20 Things To Do In An Exam
When You Know You're Going To Fail It Anyway
1. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
2. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
3. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
4. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
5. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
6. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
7. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
8. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
9. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
10. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
11. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
12. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
13. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
14. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
15. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
16. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
17. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her
18. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E...."
19. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #__ moved you, deeply.
20. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
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